Homeland

Sitting on my couch, staring at my 'beer belly' and with a lap top on my lap, couldn’t stop myself from writing this.

I have been in the United States for almost two years now and in another three months, I will be flying back to India. Are you shocked? Well, I wouldn't be shocked if you're shocked.

This is how a typical conversation about this subject goes:

Desi: So when will you be defending your thesis?
Me: By May, hopefully.
Desi: So started applying for jobs?
Me: No, I'm going back to India after my masters.
Desi: So you'll apply after you come back.
Me: No, I'm leaving for good (pun intended).
Desi: WHAT (shocked), but why?
Me: coz, I want to work there, there are a lot of opportunities now and besides I have my mind
set on doing some social work.
Desi: (even more perplexed now) but you'll get a better paying job here and it will be tough to get used to things back there
Me: Nah, just takes a week. Besides if I'm going to work my ass off, it might as well be for my country than some gora. Besides, I feel at home there. When I accomplish something, sharing it with my type of people is way better than sharing it with some new friends (or none at all).
Desi: Your choice man.

Going back to India, even when you have the choice to stay in the States, is still a new concept. Some years back no one even talked about going back once they were here. The only way they would go back was if they were kicked out. Now you can hear some saying, "we'll earn a few years and then return" (which will never happen, the longer you stay, the tougher to go back). But it is definitely rare for someone to return back to India for 'good' before they even earn their ‘dollars’.

In India, if you tell someone that you're coming back by your own will, that someone will not believe you. In their mind, the person will be thinking, "she must have an affair with someone here" or "she didn’t get a job and this is how she's covering it up, hmm, I am so smart".

So both sides, you will be accepted either as a weirdo or a liar. Well, perception accepted. I choose to do what I feel in this life that I own.

I love this place and I would definitely miss it. My route to school, subway sandwich every dam afternoon, so much beer, freedom of wearing whatever whenever, good looking men and lots of other goodies. But seriously, for the rest of my life? When was I last really happy? Where can I lie down and feel like I own the moment, the feel, and the smell? What is it that I want to do, that will truly make me happy? What don’t I want to regret while I’m lying in my death bed? Well these are some grave questions, and their answers should be the reason for making any big decision. And not, “that’s what my mom and dad want”, “Nihar did this, Poonam and all those people I think are successful, did this”, “that’s what everyone wants” or the worst “I don’t know why, I just take life as it comes”.

I love my festivals and really do miss them. I like thanksgiving and Christmas, but what’s in it for me, other than discounts, lit up streets and holidays? I like turkey, cranberry sauce and sushi but it cannot replace the gol- gappas and paranthas.

It was definitely tougher to stop the momentum and just think; what is it that I really want? It was way easier to just join the sheep crowd. It was obvious that dollars had a higher value than rupees. It was tougher to recognize the true values of my life. But thinking about these issues and then choosing 'my' path just makes me feel so much better. In the end, it is my priorities that define who I am.

To sum it up: I don't want to be nobody in this wonderland but just somebody in homeland.